I'm Just Angry
My wife and I were doing a little chore the other day and she zigged when I zagged and I became pretty angry. It was not a big deal and I really wasn’t angry at what she did. But if I wasn’t angry at her, what was I angry about? I have heard from several people that they are also dealing with anger. They are not sure of the reason for that anger. I believe that one thing we are learning is that pandemics are used by God to reveal sin in our hearts. It is a good time to pause and allow the Spirit, through the Word of God, to plow our hearts and bring growth. But what is interesting about the anger I experienced was how my mind argued the anger away. It is easy to argue that there is nothing much to be angry about. Our lives have not been that affected. While I would argue that point, I believe we have all been affected more than we think, please allow me to point out one thought about this anger. It is dangerous to try and to speak of such a big issue in one little blog but I would like to suggest this one thought that might help.
Romans 8 speaks of how everyone is groaning. Creation is groaning. Believers are groaning. Even the Holy Spirit is groaning. The groans come because we have been created for something far greater than this sinful world. We groan in anticipation of the coming deliverance from the suffering of this life. For believers, our souls have been redeemed but our bodies are waiting for that time when they will be glorified. So, we groan.
I believe that in these days of pandemic and violence we groan a little louder. We have been redeemed and our eyes opened to the truth that this is not how it is supposed to be. While our heads realize the theological ramifications of sin, remind us of how blessed we are, and rehearse the beauty of our salvation...our bodies groan in anticipation for what is to come. We groan for how wrong things are now.
It may be possible that when we fight this underlying anger that seems to come from our souls, that it may come from these groanings. God has placed within our hearts a desire for what is to come. We desire to be with him, we desire to be in the place where sin no longer reigns. We desire to have all of our needs met. We desire to be in paradise. That is our hope. That is the truth that helps us outweigh the pain of suffering. But what if we allowed that desire to become too small? What if, without really thinking about it, that we began to create that paradise down here on earth? God has blessed us. Even during this pandemic or violence, our lives have only been touched minimally. But they have been touched. They have been changed. To put it bluntly, our little paradise, that we created, was altered and we have found that we really are not in charge. To be even blunter, we have found that we believed we were allowing God to be in charge, rather than recognizing that he really is in charge. And he has changed our lives through this change in the world. He has, for our good, moved our eyes towards what is to come and has loosened our grip on what we have here. It is true, for many of us, God has given us a great life here. Maybe the Spirit will allow us to see our hearts in that we got too used to our ideas of our earthly paradise and did not like the idea of him messing with that...even a little bit.
I think I might have been too in love with my good life and holding too tightly to the plans I was making in my life. This world is not my final home and my hope is found in what God has done, through Jesus, to give me a promised future with him. I will enjoy the blessings he has given me, I will work to spread the gospel in hope of this world improving, but I will not forget that this world is destined to pass away and it is then, that paradise will be my reality. I will groan in anticipation of what is to come, longing to see my Savior.
Not the only answer to hearts of anger but maybe a step in the right direction. Now, if I can just teach my wife to zag...